Harriette Cole: She pretended not to notice that she’d stained my dress

DEAR HARRIETTE A close friend of mine borrowed one of my favorite dresses to wear to a wedding a insufficient weeks ago Related Articles Harriette Cole I worry about taking my foul-mouthed husband to work events Harriette Cole Should I tell her mom what this -year-old girl posted Harriette Cole Our grandiose family reunion ended up offending a lot of people Harriette Cole They say it s reckless for me to leave my tech job Harriette Cole My boyfriend s bedtime ritual is a difficulty for me Can I ask him to stop It wasn t just any dress It was expensive it fits me perfectly and I ve worn it only a handful of times When she returned it I noticed there were several stains on the fabric She didn t mention them apologize or offer to pay for cleaning She just handed it back as if nothing was wrong At first I thought maybe she didn t notice the stains but they re impossible to miss Now I m feeling hurt not just about the dress but about the lack of respect and acknowledgment I m debating whether I should bring it up and liability creating tension or just let it go to avoid conflict Part of me thinks it s about the principle not the money but another part worries I ll seem petty if I make it an issue What s the best way to handle this without damaging the friendship or my bank account Dirty Dress DEAR DIRTY DRESS Speak up Tell your friend you were surprised and disappointed that she returned your dress soiled without even mentioning the stains after she borrowed it Don t fret about the tension it s already there because you feel it so you must address it Tell her you will have it dry cleaned and let her know the cost If she tries to shrug it off you can say this is exactly why you don t like to lend your clothing You don t want friction between the two of you but you do expect your things to be treated with respect DEAR HARRIETTE My son in recent months lost his job and solicited if he his wife and their two young children could move in with me for a scarce months while they get back on their feet I love my son and my grandkids dearly and I want to help them but the idea of having four extra people in my house especially two energetic children feels overwhelming I ve been living alone for years and value my peace privacy and quiet routines I worked hard to get to a point where my home feels like my sanctuary and I m afraid I ll lose that if I say yes On the other hand if I say no I worry it will cause tension and hurt feelings or make me seem selfish and uncaring Related Articles Dear Abby The bride s mother thinks the wedding was ruined She requirements to apologize Asking Eric My employees have revolted against me and it s embarrassing to come to work Dear Abby The neighbors took my husband to dinner and I was left behind Asking Eric Does the cousin who hurt my feelings get to come to the expensive wedding Harriette Cole I worry about taking my foul-mouthed husband to work events I m torn between wanting to protect my own space and wanting to be a supportive mother and grandmother How can I have this conversation in a way that sets boundaries but still shows love and compassion as I do want to help them out during this challenging time Moving Back Home DEAR MOVING BACK HOME Go with your gut If you don t think you can handle the stress and bustle of four people in your house for what will likely be more than a limited months say no Instead if you have any money you can give them to help pay for rent somewhere for a minimal months offer that If they get to the point of anticipated homelessness reconsider your position Even then create boundaries so that you don t lose your peace entirely Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO