Asking Eric: My employees have revolted, and it’s embarrassing

Dear Eric I started a new job a year ago I took over as a supervisor at a municipal agency and from an individual who was retiring and who is a friend of mine Related Articles Asking Eric Does the cousin who hurt my feelings get to come to the expensive wedding Asking Eric I come back from a run and he s eating fries Is there hope for us Asking Eric These friends don t mix well with others but they pester us to be invited Asking Eric I m dismayed by my Christian granddaughter s personal style Asking Eric Is it worth the trauma to stay in the neighborhood where this woman lives The position that I took over for had a number of employees who were working part-time having retired from full-time jobs They were very loyal to my predecessor and he let them do what they yearned as long as it got done There was no structure at the workplace I tried to implement small things while starting out and each time I would get the response that that s not how we have done it before I didn t want to make it like it was my way only but things needed to change If I were to complain to my supervisors then they would think I was doing the complaining and that I could not get along with anyone They wouldn t listen to me at all It s to the point where every time I walk in the door and ask to get something done the employees do the exact opposite It s embarrassing to work there I have no help on either end I enjoy the job but my staff does not respect me I am at a loss for what I should do I don t know who is in charge there because I don t feel like I am Do you have any suggestions or ideas about what I can do Disrespected Supervisor Dear Supervisor It can be very challenging to inherit someone else s workplace custom And when you re in a supervisory role a lot of the negotiation becomes about what you need to adjust to and what you need to change That s a dance that goes on for a while Respect from the employees you supervise is pivotal here and I don t want to dismiss that but it s also crucial to think about the expectations that are being placed on you the expectations that you re placing on yourself and the expectations you have for the workplace To that end see if you can get clarity from your supervisors about what success looks like for you how they measure it and what systems are in place to encourage improvement These systems may not exist multiple workplaces are imperfect But this information could help you to modify your expectations of yourself and in turn take specific of the frustration out of the working relationships you have with the employees you supervise You also might want to talk to your friend He created this imperfect system and while you clearly don t want to perpetuate it he might be able to give insight or cheat codes Ask him How do I deal with these people Shifting a lifestyle is more akin to turning a cruise ship than a speed boat Smaller policies are going to be necessary and the first should be finding one thing about your job performance that you feel good about and pouring your power into that Dear Eric My best friend and I both females and in our s used to do everything together Last year she met a nice man and after a brief courtship they married I even performed the wedding ceremony Now we barely see each other and maybe text or call once a week if that I knew and understood that our friendship was going to change once she married and I expected that but I never thought it would be so drastic Her husband gets upset if she wants girl time with me and even other friends I feel really hurt and discarded I m not sure if I should talk to her about it or leave it be I don t want to cause a rift between us or make it awkward Fractured Friendship Dear Friendship Talk to her Her new husband s behavior is concerning and controlling Isolation is a form of emotional abuse and it can escalate and put her in danger He shouldn t have a negative emotional response to her spending time with friends particularly her best friend Related Articles Dear Abby The neighbors took my husband to dinner and I was left behind Asking Eric Does the cousin who hurt my feelings get to come to the expensive wedding Harriette Cole I worry about taking my foul-mouthed husband to work events Miss Manners I m desperate to remain her friend but hours of improv Dear Abby My husband mumbles and then blames me but my hearing is fine She and you can find information at the National Domestic Violence Hotline TheHotline org But help can start with a conversation between you and her that s rooted in your love for her and your desire to see her healthy and happy It may be helpful to enlist other friends as well You don t want to gang up on her but you can ask them if they re seeing the same things you re seeing If she hears this perspective from multiple people it may take root more effectively As you go about this try to put your hurt to the side for the moment There will be time to address it but first you ll want to make sure she sees the issues in her relationship clearly Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com